Lessons for Life with James Long, Jr.
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join James, a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life's biggest questions and helps us find God's solutions to life's struggles. Learn the power of living by God's grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are on a search for freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
Lessons for Life with James Long, Jr.
Repentance: The Path to Healing from Anger
We'll tackle the typical, yet often unproductive, reactions to anger in our relationships—like yelling or withdrawing—and contrast these with a Christlike approach emphasizing grace, truth, and open communication. Join us as we discuss practical strategies for moving beyond temporary fixes to achieve real peace and reconciliation. Our conversation strives to honor God by nurturing relationships through gentle, sacrificial love, steering clear of methods that only escalate conflicts.
Finally, let's reflect on the transformative power of grace and humility in overcoming anger and sin. We dive into the essence of true repentance, marked by personal accountability and a heartfelt turning away from sin. Drawing wisdom from biblical passages, we encourage a mindset dominated by gratitude for God's grace, which empowers us to extend forgiveness to others. As we conclude, our hope is to redirect hearts towards the Savior, living a life that glorifies His name and embraces the joy of being blessed by His grace.
ABOUT JAMES AND LESSONS FOR LIFE
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join Dr. James Long, Jr., a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life’s biggest questions and helps us find God’s solutions to life’s struggles. Learn the power of living by God’s grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are in search of freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
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Hello everyone, it's James Long and welcome back to our Lunch and Learn. We are in our fourth week dealing with uprooting anger. Hopefully you've been learning a lot through this series and hopefully you've been able to apply the things that we've been talking about during this time. We are now in our fourth lesson. Now, if you remember, this series is connecting back to this book by Robert Jones and it's called Uprooting Anger a Biblical Help for Common Problems. I've encouraged you to pick up the book and to actually be reading it throughout the week. We're taking it a chapter at a time. I'm just giving you an overview of the chapter, giving you some insights of how I apply the principles in this chapter, and I hope that it has been helpful to you.
Speaker 1:So, over the last several weeks, we've been talking about what anger is and what makes anger biblical versus unbiblical, godly versus ungodly, and now today, what we're going to do is we're going to look at the fact that anger is not just external. We've been talking about that over the last several weeks, that anger is an issue that is rooted deeply in our hearts. That is so important and so, like in this meeting, we're going to talk about the topic of repentance. So, once we've identified that we have issues with ungodly anger, which a lot of us struggle with and, if you remember, there were three criteria the first criteria is that you need a biblical standard. There has to be a godly standard for why we're getting angry. It can't just be some rule that we make up on our own. It's got to be something that's driven out of God's word. The second thing that we said is that not only does it have to have a standard, but there has to be a proper motive, a godly motive, a motive for the glory of God or the good of others. And you'll be honest, as we look, how many times is it that we find ourselves getting so angry, so disappointed with other people, so frustrated that maybe they actually did do something wrong, and we say that there is a standard that has been broken, but the motive is not really for the glory of God or the good of others. It's primarily about us, and as soon as we have a selfish motive, our godly anger has now become ungodly. And so now that moves us to the third thing.
Speaker 1:So even if you could pass the first two a standard and a motive you need to also now display it in a godly way. You need to show that anger out in a godly way that represents God Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. You must display that anger in a way that still reflects God. So I couldn't have godly anger when I have a standard that has been broken against me and that I have a motive for the glory of God and the good of others, but now I yell and scream and I curse out that person. I have automatically taken godly anger and now made it ungodly anger in my heart and life. And as you go through those three criteria, very honestly, most of us struggle with ungodly anger.
Speaker 1:So what we now need to do is to move to this next step of repentance, and repentance is the key to addressing anger in our hearts and anger at the core, because anger is not external, anger is something that's internal. Now you remember we had given you this definition of anger and I'll go back to it, because I think it's really important that our anger is a whole person, active response of a negative moral judgment against perceived evil. And you remember that we talked about the fact that, because it's your whole person, it's not just emotion, it's all of who you are, and then it's a negative response that we're having. It's active, it's not something passive that's coming upon us, and then it is against a perceived evil, and we talked about the fact that our perception may be right. A lot of times our perception is wrong, so that is why it is so vital that when we see that we have failed, we need to see that repentance is a major piece of the puzzle. Now, robert Jones in his book provides us biblical insights into how we deal with this. It's a practical tool, it's a wonderful testimony and I hope that it will help us, at the end of the session, turn away from those sinful responses and to walk in the righteousness and the genuine repentance that God wants for us and the transformation that can happen within us, but also externally, with others as well.
Speaker 1:Let me open in prayer and then we'll kind of walk through the slides today. So, father, I want to thank you and I want to praise you for your kind grace and your mercy. Thank you for your love for us. Thank you for your time that you have given us. Thank you for the fact that you are so patient with us. Thank you for the fact that you grant us grace. You said, where our sin increases, your grace increases all the more so. Lord, I pray today that you would help us to see our sin, but more than that, help us to see your Savior, our Savior Father. Help us to understand guilt, but more than that, help us to see your Savior, our Savior Father. Help us to understand guilt, but more than that, help us to understand grace and help us to be filled with gratitude in our hearts and our lives, and help us to know that we can have victory over this desperate issue that we struggle with at times anger and frustration and bitterness, and hurt and unforgiveness. Help us to know that in you, we could change. In Jesus' name, we pray, amen. Okay, so let's get started here with our first slide, and I want you to think about this Now.
Speaker 1:There are typical ways that people handle anger, and maybe you look at this list and maybe you do some of these things. Now I want you to acknowledge that some of these things on here are common, want you to acknowledge that some of these things on here are common, but they're unhelpful. What they tend to do is that we tend to respond this way when we feel mistreated by others. I really want you to look at the list and see what on this list. Maybe there's things on this list that you tend to do. Now these responses may feel like we're justified in them, but often what they do is they exacerbate the problem rather than bringing about solutions or healing. So look at the first one yelling. See, when we feel hurt or disrespected, our immediate reaction might be to raise our voice, and yelling is often a way to express frustration or maybe even to exert control, but it usually escalates the problem, it escalates the conflict and it deepens the divisions that we have.
Speaker 1:Retreat or to pout, now that's actually going to the other extreme. So I think I had said one of my weeks that one author said that we can either stuff our anger, spew our anger, or we can study our anger, and I had said that what we want to try to do over these weeks is to study our anger, which is so important. So now, the spewing the anger would be the yeller. The stuffer of the anger would be the one that retreats here. This person will withdraw and give the silent treatment. They may salt, they may pout. Draw and give the silent treatment. They may salt, they may pout. It's a form of punishment. It may not seem like it on the surface, but what it does is it's telling the other person that I don't want to address this issue, I don't want to deal with you, I don't want to reconcile with you. So we can either yell spew, or we can retreat and pout stuff, or we can go to a third way.
Speaker 1:A lot of people tend to tell a friend Instead of dealing directly with the person who wronged us. We might be tempted to vent to a friend, which a lot of people do and we're doing that because we're trying to seek validation from others. And now, while it can feel good that we have somebody that is on our side, somebody that is agreeing with us, the problem is that telling a friend oftentimes leads to gossip, it can lead to bitterness and it doesn't resolve the conflict. So I don't know if you see yourself in any one of those first three and here's the last one is to call for backup. Now, this approach is that we kind of like rally, support and what we do is try to get everybody on our side, and what we're going to do is we're going to confront the person that hurt us and prove that we're right, and what that does is. It's going to create divisions, it can manipulate a relationship, it can undermine trust and what it does is, instead of encouraging peace and understanding, it actually exacerbates the problem.
Speaker 1:So I want you to consider which of these ways do you see yourself doing? Which of these ways do you find yourself struggling at times in your relationships? Are you a yeller, the spewer? Are you one that retreats and pouts? Are you one that tells a friend and tries to get them on your side? Are you one that's going to get a group of people to come and try to manipulate this person back into the situation? And these techniques don't work at all. These techniques may give you temporary relief, but it doesn't produce any real peace, it doesn't glorify God and it's not going to repair this relationship.
Speaker 1:So what would you do if you had a friend who had a firm biblical understanding of what was happening here? And this friend knows exactly how you should be honoring God in this situation. What would they say to you? So for the first one, rather than yelling, we would be called to nourish and to cherish our wives. So let's think about a marriage situation. And so maybe some of you are married, maybe not. And if you're not married. Think about a person that you're in a connected relationship with. And if a friend came alongside and said I hear that you're upset, I hear that you're frustrated with the situation, but the response that you're giving is not godly, and they would give you some suggestions, rather than the worldly reactions. They would say here are some ways that you can manage things in a more Christlike way. And so what they would say for the yelling they said rather than yelling instead of raising your voice in anger, they would counsel you to approach the situation in a spirit of gentleness.
Speaker 1:Galatians, chapter six, verses one and two talk about that. It talks about the fact that there is the spirit of gentleness that is there. It's supposed to be full of grace and full of truth. I love this passage in John 1, verse 14. It says that Jesus dwelt with us and he was a man full of grace and full of truth. So gentleness is a major piece of the puzzle, and what it does is it communicates that we love them, that we understand them and that we desire to build them up rather than cut them down. That we understand them and that we desire to build them up rather than cut them down.
Speaker 1:Now somebody who's counseling you, saying rather than retreating, rather than stuffing, which is oftentimes sinful, we're called to love them, and to love them like Christ loved the church. Now, how did Christ love the church? He was a sacrificial lover he gave In Ephesians 5, verse 2,. We're called to walk in love, just as Christ loved us. See what retreating does is? It oftentimes fosters resentment, it oftentimes fosters unforgiveness, whereas engaging in communication can be an act of obedience. It can show that we are honoring God and we're trying to love each other.
Speaker 1:Well, they may say to the third friend instead of telling a friend that that may be gossip, they'll say that you know what? Why do you need to bring somebody else into the situation? And a lot of times we bring people in and they don't need to be in there. So, instead of bringing somebody else into the situation and gossiping, kind of like Proverbs 16, verse 28. It says that a perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates close friends. So the biblical counsel would be not to gossip and bring other people in, but it would actually be to follow what Matthew 18, verse 15 says. It says that you go to them one-on-one. Now, if you follow the rest of the Matthew 18 passage, and we'll talk more about this that is not just trying to bring a team of people. That is trying to bring people that are going to help both of you reconcile. It's not trying to get somebody on your side. It is trying to get somebody to reconcile, help you reconcile the situation. That's radically different than what is happening here or in this last one.
Speaker 1:Telling a friend. You know, telling a friend can be manipulative and what it is is a manipulative approach to pressure the person into seeing our perspective and taking our side. So instead of that, the Bible would tell us to bring others into our situation. Bringing others into our situation, bringing others into our situation, actually produce divisiveness and we don't want to do that. Oftentimes in my counseling, when I'm working with couples, I say that I want to be the one that's surprised here. Don't blindside them in the session. Don't bring up something that you weren't going to be willing to tell them that you were going to bring up. I want to be the one surprised. I don't think your spouse should be the one surprised here. So bringing others into a marital conflict without proper reason can be really divisive and the biblical approach is to approach that person one-on-one, which is so important. So my hope is that your friend would be there to help and support you.
Speaker 1:Are the people in your life, people that are encouraging you in God's grace, are they people that know the word, are filled with the spirit and are trying to encourage you to move in a way that's going to reflect God? A lot of times, we have people around us that are going to hinder us. As Paul said in Corinthians, that bad company corrupts good morals, and so what ends up happening is that we sometimes put people around us that are going to just agree with us, but they're not really going to confront us in a biblical way and encourage us to reflect God, and so that's a major piece of the puzzle. Okay, so I want you to know that, in spite of all of this that we're talking about, I want you to know that there is hope. There's hope for the one who is willing to humble themselves, and so many times we're not willing.
Speaker 1:We had talked about this passage in James, probably about two weeks ago, and we had talked about one of the key components. One of the key problems in our lives is pride. You remember? It says that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble, but here he's saying I give you grace that there is grace for the one who humbles themselves and admits that they have an anger issue and that their anger is sinful. When we're willing to admit it, what God is going to do is he's going to do amazing things. We acknowledge that our anger is sinful and we humble ourselves before God and we open the door for his grace to come into our lives. That grace is unmerited, which is so important. I don't deserve that grace, neither do you. That unmerited grace is available and what it does is not only forgives you, but it empowers you to overcome sin and to live in a way that overcomes evil and walks in accordance with God's will. And see our pride. What it does is it often leads us to justify ourselves or to excuse our anger, but humility does something radically different. It brings us to a place where we receive God's help. Radically different. It brings us to a place where we receive God's help. So allow God to work in your life, because humility is a place where God opens his life. It opens grace to you if you're humble.
Speaker 1:I think another thing that you need to think about is that humility is the key to transformation. See what humility does is. It starts with a recognition that we cannot uproot anger by our own strength. You and I need God's grace, and that's what James 4, verse 6 is telling us. It's telling us that humility is desperately needed in your life and in my life, because we can't conquer this issue without humility. And what that does is it attracts God to pour more grace into your life, and when we come to him in repentance and we admit our need, he meets us in the strength that we need. And then what is amazing here is not only is God's grace available to the humble, and not only is humility the key to transformation, but the third thing I want you to think about as you consider this verse is that there's a promise of more grace. This grace is not just, but it's more grace, abundant grace, abundant supply of grace. For every moment of weakness in our lives, and even when your anger seems to be overwhelming or entrenched, god offers you a great supply of grace to help you and to turn from it and to live in a way that's going to honor God. So I pray. I pray that that truth encourages you. I pray that you would not be so overwhelmed with your sinful anger.
Speaker 1:So many of us find ourselves getting so overwhelmed with condemnation and guilt and we find ourselves focusing so much on our sin that we fail to look at the Savior. We fail to see His grace and see the gospel and see the beauty that what God is looking to do is to create beauty out of the ashes of our lives. He gets the glory, and so we need to humble ourselves, because pride is just going to elevate us to a point where we're not going to look to God number one and we're not going to love others number two. By humility, we recognize I don't have it. I don't have the ability. I need your help. I think I used this quote before Newton on his deathbed. The one who wrote Amazing Grace said that I am a great sinner, but he is a great Savior. It is so important for us to keep those components in mind. Yes, I'm a sinner, but I have a great Savior who's available to me, and that there's hope.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about this Now. We talked about grace and that there are two different. I want you to think about this Now. We talked about grace and that there are two different types of grace. Now, scripture gives us two different types of grace that we need, and these aspects of grace are available to you. There is first forgiving grace.
Speaker 1:Now, you see this passage here in Hebrews 4, verse 16. And it talks about this. I love this passage. It says that you can come boldly to the throne of grace and receive mercy and find grace to help you in your time of need. So the first grace that I want you to think about is this that there is a grace that is available to you that allows us to find forgiveness from God for the sins that we've committed. See, when we repent, god is willing to forgive you If you confess your sins. He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. He's available, he wants to provide that grace to you. It's forgiving grace, and I love this passage in 1 John 2, verse 2.
Speaker 1:It talks about Jesus. Christ is the propitiation for our sins. It basically means that he appeases God for your sin. The anger that God has for your sin has been appeased by God, has been appeased by the perfect work of Christ, and so when he died 2,000 years ago, all of God's anger and wrath for your sin and my sin, if you trust in him, was poured out on his son, for your sin and my sin, if you trust in him, was poured out on his son. God's anger has been appeased in light of God's work on the cross, christ's work on the cross. So I want you to think about this forgiving grace.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we find ourselves struggling immensely with our anger because we do not recognize the forgiveness that God has given us in Christ. So forgiving grace is a vital aspect of dealing with the offenses of other people. When we can think about how God has forgiven us immensely for our sin, when we can recognize that my sin is so great and God has forgiven me all of it, that should give us opportunities to be able to forgive others. I often say this you know, I've been married to my wife for 32 years and Amy can literally never sin against me as much as I've sinned against God. And so how is it that God can forgive me all the sins I've ever committed, every sin that I've ever committed and every sin that I will ever commit? God has forgiven me. Why is it that I couldn't possibly forgive those people in my life and you do the same. Well, there's a second type of grace. It's not just forgiving grace. The second type of grace is an enabling grace, and this grace is so important.
Speaker 1:Using the same passage in Hebrews, chapter four, you can approach God's throne with confidence and receive mercy and find the grace that you need in your time of need. I love that passage that it's in your time of need. God gives you the strength that you absolutely need when you need it. But there's that other passage in 2 Corinthians, chapter 12, verses 9 through 10. And you know this passage well my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in my weakness. What Paul was saying was that I was going through all of these stressors and struggles. God, there was a thorn that was given him a message of Satan, and God was allowing that thorn to still be there. And God wanted Paul to look to his grace rather than to remove the problem. And so God's enabling grace and God's forgiving grace are available to you.
Speaker 1:So I want you to think about this. When you find yourself thinking that you can never overcome this issue with sin, I want you to remind yourself that you can in the power of God, because he's already forgiven you. Number one and then number two. He is enabling you to conquer it. He's already forgiven you number one and then number two. He is enabling you to conquer it. I think I've said to you before that at the cross I often tell my clients, I want you to think about four events that happened at that cross. Number one your sin was forgiven. That's huge, that all of your sins, past, present and future, if you trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, have been forgiven. Second, god has given you now the ability to be set free.
Speaker 1:That's the second thing that comes out. What he's trying to do is to also bring about a reconciliation or restoration, better word of your life, so that you start to look more and more like Christ. He's given you freedom. You can say no to sin and yes to righteousness, and he's going through the sanctification process in your life. He is making you more and more like Christ. So forgiveness and freedom.
Speaker 1:And the third is a family. A number of times we struggle in our relationships and anger has broken apart families and maybe some people are angry with you. Maybe it's your relationship with God that has hindered their relationship with you, and God wants you to know that you've been adopted into his family. You have a brother in Christ and you have billions of people that trust in the Lord Jesus Christ over the years, over the centuries, over the millennia, that are available as a family to you, and you will spend eternity with them Forgiveness, freedom, family and then, fourth, a future.
Speaker 1:I want you to know that your future is bright. Now you may look back and you might find yourself discouraged. You may look around, you might find yourself frustrated, but in the future I want you to know that God works all these things together for good and that you have an eternity. That is just mind-blowing what God wants to do in your life. So forgiving grace, enabling grace leads us to this next one.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about what must take place if we are going to truly be repentant. This is so important for us to be able to keep in mind. Now I want you to think about the essential steps of what it means to go through forgiveness, and step number one is that God calls us to reject our worldly lovers In James, chapter 4, verses 4 through 5,. This verse talks about spiritual unfaithfulness of loving the world, and when we prioritize worldly desires and relationships or possessions above God, we are committing spiritual adultery. And true repentance, on the other hand, rejects these worldly lovers, the things that capture our hearts, our devotion, that draw us away from God and involve a conscious choice. It's got to be a conscious choice of your heart to draw away from those, to break away from those attachments and to find yourself going towards God. So, number one you need to reject those worldly lovers. That leads to step number two is that God calls us to repent of our sinful ruling desires.
Speaker 1:Now, if you remember we had talked about earlier in James, chapter four, it says what causes the fights and quarrels among you? Is it not this that your passions are at war within you? There's these ruling desires. What God calls us to do is he gives us grace if we're humble and when we repent, we need to humble ourselves before God, recognizing our sinful desires, our ruling passions that lead us astray. It's not enough to just acknowledge the symptom of our anger. We need to confront the underlying issue Now. Maybe it's pride, or maybe it's jealousy, or maybe it's self-centeredness that drives us to those sinful desires and those sinful responses. I should say so, number one we need to reject our worldly lovers. Number two we need to repent of our sinful ruling desires.
Speaker 1:Number three God calls us to resist the devil by rejecting his lies and drawing near to God. This is so important. Satan wants to fill you with lies, and we need to resist the devil, and he often fuels anger with lies and accusations. He can't make us sin, but what he does is he tries to encourage us to sin. And when we resist him by rejecting his deceptions and drawing near to God, what God does is he gives us the ability to be able to say no to sin and yes to righteousness. And as we draw near to God, he draws near to us, which is so beautiful here in James, chapter four, verses seven and eight. He'll cleanse your heart, he'll purify your mind. This intimacy with God equips us to overcome the spiritual battles that provoke our anger and to live in a place of obedience and trust in God, and that gives us the last step. The last step is that God calls us to resign our God playing, which is so important.
Speaker 1:In verses 11 and 12 of that passage, we are cautioned against speaking evil of other people or judging them. A lot of times in our anger we find ourselves judging other people and we make our mindset that we know what they're doing. We presume that we know what they're thinking in their hearts and emotives. We even say I know why you did this and we don't even know our own hearts, jeremiah. God says through Jeremiah so what we need to do is to truly repent, and when we truly repent, that includes relinquishing the desire to control or judge others, and when we recognize that there's only one God God, the Father, God, the Son, god, the Holy Spirit three in one God, the Father, god, the Son, god, the Holy Spirit are the only rightful judges and that our role is to humble ourselves before them. And so now I want you to consider that each step of this process will help you to work through, and what it does is it shows heart transformation. You're rejecting the evil lover, you are recognizing your sinful desires, you're resisting the lies of Satan, you're drawing near to God and you're saying I'm going to give up trying to be God here and let God be God. And each one of these steps are so important in the process of true repentance and being able to have victory over anger.
Speaker 1:A couple of more things I want to talk about before we leave. I want you to consider what does repentance look like Now? True repentance looks like a turning away. That's really what repentance is. It means that you are turning away from one lifestyle pattern, one way of thinking, one way of acting, and you are turning to something different. True repentance is not just turning away, which is an important piece of the puzzle, but true repentance also involves grieving over your sins. It's not enough to feel badly that you got caught or feel badly about the circumstances.
Speaker 1:Genuine repentance involves a deep sorrow of our heart. A great passage to look up is in 2 Corinthians 7, verse 10. It talks about godly sorrow leads to repentance, while worldly sorrow leads to regret. There's so many of us that find ourselves getting sorrowful because it's just worldly sorrow. We're only upset that people are upset with us. We're upset that we have to deal with the consequences, but we're not really upset over the sin. That's not true.
Speaker 1:Repentance is recognizing that I have offended God and I've hurt others and I want to change. Also, it produces a change in behavior. It's not enough to say that I'm sorry. It should actually produce change. None of us are going to be perfect, but there should be a change in the way we start to think and the way we start to speak. We should be recognizing that we're off track and we need to do the right thing. And what true repentance can do is it can lead to restored relationships, because what happens is that, as you really change from the inside out, this other person opens themselves up to trusting you again, which is such a big piece of the puzzle. They're trusting you and now the relationship is restored in many ways. So I want you to think about have you truly repented of your anger? Have you really truly taken some of those steps to grieve over your sin, that it's produced a behavior change and that hasn't been changing your relationships? That's an important piece. Okay, so what are some of the tendencies that we have to blame shift?
Speaker 1:Now, a lot of us very honestly blame shift. We blame our circumstances and we look to justify our situation, because we look at the situations and say, well, the reason why I got angry is because of this. We blame our situation. That's a bad way of responding For some of us. We blame other people and so it's your fault that I get angry. It's your fault that I responded the way I did. So what we do is we stick one finger out. There's three fingers pointing back. It is such an important mindset to keep in mind that we have a tendency to stick our finger out at another person and blame them. But we really need to recognize that there's three fingers pointing back to us. We should be looking at our lives and looking at the things that we need to change.
Speaker 1:Some of us have a tendency to blame circumstances. For some of us, we have a tendency to blame other people. For others, we blame our background or upbringing. We say I grew up in this home, my dad was this way, my mom was this way. I had this really difficult environment. I am not trying to tell you that those environments don't influence us. They do, but they just don't determine why I do what I do. I can't be blaming a background of something that happened three, four, five, six decades ago in a person's life for the reason why I'm responding today. It influences us, but it does not determine us. We blame others For others, we blame our background. For others we blame our personality or temperament. Well, that's just the way I am and that's the way I've been wired. By doing so, I don't think we recognize that we are, in essence, blaming God because God has given us a personality or given us a temperament, and then we are saying that we can't help but sin because of that personality or temperament. We're once again not shifting blame from to another person horizontally. We're actually shifting blame to God, and that's what Adam did in the garden, if you remember. He says it was the woman that you gave to me. He blamed Eve, his wife, and then he blamed God.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about this when you're confronting this situation. I want you to think about what's intensifying your desires. Think about what's intensifying your desires. I'm angry now because I think I must have what. I must have your time. I must have your respect. I must have that possession. What is it that you think you need desperately? Once you've identified that, I want you to repent of that ruling desire, whatever it is, that is controlling your heart. That is either encouraging you to sin, like we talked about last week, or you sin when you don't get it. That is a ruling desire. Whatever, the fill-in-the-blank is here, I'm asking you to repent of that. Turn away from that. That's not going to help the situation by any stretch. It actually hinders the freedom that you have.
Speaker 1:So let me end with this passage from Romans, chapter 12. And in Romans, chapter 12,. I think it's a powerful passage and if you have your Bibles, turn there with me. We're just going to walk through these steps here. Paul, after he has taken us through the beauty of the gospel, from Romans chapter 1 through Romans, chapter 11, he talks about the beauty of our sin, and then salvation and sanctification and God's sovereignty, amazing aspects of our salvation. That's what he does in the first 11 chapters of Romans, and then the last chapters are about how you practically live in light of that, and so what Paul does is in this passage. He talks about how we must deal with our sin in our lives, and he gives us the steps. So I'm just going to read this passage for you and then we'll look at each step and then we'll close up here.
Speaker 1:Today he says in Romans, chapter 12, verse 14, he says Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. So one of the very first things that you and I need to do is, rather than cursing or seeking retaliation, we are called, like Jesus, to bless those who want to harm us. You remember when Jesus was on the cross? He said Father, forgive them. They don't know what they do. Bless them, and so what that does is it doesn't mean that we're excusing their behavior. What it does is it means that we choose to wish God's best upon them rather than holding on to bitterness. So that's step number one in the process.
Speaker 1:Then he says in verse 15, he says rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. And so what he wants us to do is to have a true concern for other people. This is so important. We at times find ourselves getting so frustrated with other people that we fail to recognize that we need to see them as important vessels in our lives. We need to empathize with them, even those who have hurt us. We need to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep and show a genuine concern for human beings. That will change your heart towards them and that will change your heart towards them and that will change your reactions towards them. We need to look, reject pride and judgmentalism, live in harmony with one another, do not be haughty, prideful, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own eyes. Oftentimes, we need to humble ourselves before God, and so what we do is, instead of seeing ourselves as superior and holding judgment against other people and having a judgmental attitude. We need to live in harmony with them. Humility is the crucial step in dealing with those who have offended us.
Speaker 1:Verse 17 says this repay no one evil for evil, so never seek payback. This is so important. The Bible clearly commands us not to repay evil for evil. Revenge may seem satisfying at the moment I know it does at times but ultimately what it does is it perpetuates a cycle of wrongdoing. Our call is to live above reproach in our conduct, aiming to do what is honorable in the sight of everyone else and for the glory of God. Verse 18 says if possible, as far as it depends upon you, live peaceably with all.
Speaker 1:This is another big piece. We need to strive for peace in our relationships. It says if possible, I want you to recognize that sometimes you're not going to have reconciliation because the person doesn't want it. You can't control how other people act. You can't control how other people are going to respond, but you can control how you react and respond and we should be doing everything within our power to seek reconciliation and peace.
Speaker 1:Verse 19 says this. It says in verse 19, beloved, never avenge yourself, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written. Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. So God's word is a constant reminder to you and me that we need to remind ourselves that he is the one that is sovereign in control. We've got to stop the usurping God's control as judge.
Speaker 1:We already saw that in James, chapter four, and we need to trust that God will bring about his justice. We talked about that last week with Jesus Christ. He trusted himself to one who judges justly. And then, finally, we need to overcome evil with good. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink, for by doing so, you will heap burning coal on his head. Do not become overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Speaker 1:See, this principle is transformative. Instead of responding with evil, what we need to do is to respond with good, and this might not look like things that we can even think about, but what it is is maybe showing kindness to someone who's hurt us, extending grace in situations where we feel justified to withhold it. We are actually going against that desire and desiring to do something good. It's not just about not retaliating. I want you to consider how many of those steps have you taken?
Speaker 1:And I want you to take some time here to go through Romans, chapter 12 this week and prayerfully go through it, because what we're called to do is to uproot anger, and the reason why he gave the title uprooting anger is because it starts from the inside out. It's not primarily about what's happening around us. It's primarily about what's happening within us. So it's so important for you and I to keep that in mind, because what we'll do is that we'll seek to blame other people and that will leave us hopeless and helpless. But if, on the other hand, we are trusting God to do his work in us and then his work through us, if you're interested in being part of our membership or group coaching program you'll also see a link on our website to that. We have a membership that you can be part of, where you'll get additional resources and even more resources than are on our website. Or if you're interested in group coaching, we have group coaching meetings every two weeks. We do that twice a month. Plus we do these weekly lunch and learns, we do Q&A sessions.
Speaker 1:So next week, lord willing, we're going to come back to lesson number five, where we'll continue to dig deeper into this process of uprooting anger and understanding that there is a path of transformation available to us in Christ. I don't want you to miss it. We're going to talk about some practical aspects of how we can apply these truths in our lives, so I thank you so much for being with me again today. I look forward to seeing you, lord willing, at 12 pm Eastern Standard Time next week. Let me pray us out as we go.
Speaker 1:So, lord, I thank you for this opportunity that we've had to meet. I thank you for your kind grace and your mercy. We thank you for your love. I thank you that you're a great God and there's no one like you. I thank you for the fact that where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. I thank you for the fact that, at your son's cross and because of his empty tomb, we have forgiveness of sins and freedom from our sin. We have a family in God and we have a future.
Speaker 1:I pray that those truths would so dominate our hearts and our lives. Help us not to be so overwhelmed with our guilt, but to be overwhelmed with your grace and the gospel, and help us to live our lives in gratitude for what you've done. Lord, today, as we look at our sin. Help us to turn away from it and turn to your Savior, and help us to bring glory, honor and majesty to your name. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. Well, once again, thank you for being with me. Look forward to seeing you next week. Lord willing, be blessed everyone. Take care.
