Lessons for Life with James Long, Jr.
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join James, a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life's biggest questions and helps us find God's solutions to life's struggles. Learn the power of living by God's grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are on a search for freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
Lessons for Life with James Long, Jr.
Mastering Anger: Taming the Fury Within
From a Christian perspective, we delve into the root causes of anger, examining how spiritual warfare and unchecked desires can lead us astray. Biblical teachings from Ephesians and Mark highlight the internal struggles that feed our anger, and we urge listeners to reflect on whether their responses are aligned with godly principles. By understanding the heart of anger, we aim to help you uncover the true root and honor God in your responses, aligning your desires with His will.
Join us as we explore the transformative power of hope in Christ in overcoming sinful anger and selfish motives. The stories of biblical figures like Esau and Saul illustrate the dangers of unchecked desires, teaching us to recognize and submit to God's will. With the reassurance of the Holy Spirit's transformative power and the promise of Christ's intercession, we encourage you to find hope and freedom in His eternal goodness, reflecting His love and wisdom in your life.
ABOUT JAMES AND LESSONS FOR LIFE
Are you longing to find answers to the deeper issues of life? Join Dr. James Long, Jr., a pastor, counselor, and university professor with over 30 years of experience. Hear James as he tackles some of life’s biggest questions and helps us find God’s solutions to life’s struggles. Learn the power of living by God’s grace and for His glory. Experience the joy of forgiveness and freedom found in Jesus Christ alone. If you are in search of freedom, you will love being part of this conversation. Subscribe, and enjoy the show!
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Hey everyone, it's James Long and welcome back to Our Lunch and Learn. Hopefully you've got a good lunch in front of you. I'm sitting here talking to you about uprooting anger. We have been in this study called Uprooting Anger. It's a book written by Robert Jones and we've been working through this study over the last several weeks and I'm looking forward to getting into lesson number three this week. If you're new to us, there are other videos that you can watch.
Speaker 1:Over the first couple of weeks. The first week we spent talking about what anger is and where it begins, and the next week we talked about three criteria to determine whether our anger is righteous or not. So that's what we did last week and, if you remember, we looked at anger is actually not. So that's what we did last week and if you remember, we looked at anger is actually let me give you this definition. If you see it, it's anger is our whole person, active response of a negative moral judgment against perceived evil. And so Jones, in his book, had talked about the fact that anger is whole person, and, if you remember, that means it's not just an emotion, it is everything about you, it's the way you think, it's what you believe, it's your emotions, it's your desires, it's your whole person. Second, it's an active response. It's not something passive that comes upon you. It's something that you're doing, you're choosing in a certain way. It's a negative moral judgment as well. We are making a judgment about a particular situation, and we talked about the fact that sometimes those judgments are accurate and right and other times those judgments are wrong against a perceived evil, and sometimes our perceptions are really wrong and off track, and sometimes they're right on target. And then the next week we talked about okay, so let's say I am angry and it's a lot of emotion. I have a negative response against something. I see it as a moral issue. We talked about how can I know whether my anger is righteous or not righteous?
Speaker 1:And once again, we had talked about the fact that there are three criteria that you can look at. One is a standard. There has to be a godly standard for it. There has to be actual sin that has been affected here or done here that is causing your anger. Second, it's the motive. Is this for the glory of God and the good of others, or is it about me? And a lot of times we'll find that our anger is mostly about what we're feeling inside. It's not about what's happening for God's glory or other people's good. It's about us. And so when we notice that we know that our anger is wrong, if we have a motive that's for the glory of God and the good of others too, that's great Then that leads us to number three. Do we display it in godly ways? Are we angry, but displaying in a way that's going to reflect and honor God? And so those three criteria will help you to determine whether your anger is righteous or unrighteous. If you look at those three criteria the standard, the motive and the actual response, how we respond in a biblical way we will see that a lot of human anger is sinful. We may have started out with the right standard, but as soon as we get to a motive issue, when the motive becomes more about us than it is about God and his glory and others and their good, then what we'll find is that our response to it, how we will respond and how we will display that anger, will oftentimes be really bad.
Speaker 1:Last week, I also talked to you about the fact that we have a tendency to do one of three things with your anger, I guess. First you will either stuff your anger and for some of us we kind of stuff that anger in over and over again. We just keep taking it on, taking it on, taking it inside. We never deal with it, it just builds up, it starts to fester. Well, there's a second way. We never deal with it, it just builds up, it starts to fester. Well, there's a second way we can deal with our anger and we can spew it. We can just send that out to other people like a volcano erupting all over the place, and so we will either stuff our anger or spew our anger.
Speaker 1:The third way that this author said is that we can study our anger. What we're looking to do is to look at the fact that anger is a whole person act of response, of a negative moral judgment against perceived evil. But what we're looking to do is to try to figure out how we can actually uproot that anger out of our lives. So today we move on to the third lesson and we want to try to get to the heart of anger, and what we want to try to do is to understand where anger is coming from.
Speaker 1:Who or what do you blame for your anger? And the reality is, so many people blame so many things. So what we're going to do is just kind of look at some of these here that culture tends to blame. Culture's theory about anger is that the cause of anger is first about where things that are happening internally and I guess I want to. Before I start there, I want to ask you when you're feeling angry, who or what do you tend to blame? Do you think of it as an external force or do you think of it as an internal feeling? That's really helpful. And so maybe you're thinking it's someone else that's the cause of your anger. Whatever it is, it would be really helpful for you to kind of think through how you handle these things and how you deal with it. See, if we can understand the cause of our anger, that things may influence us greatly but they don't determine us.
Speaker 1:Now, if we go to theories about the causes of our anger, you'll see a number of them here on the list. First, some people believe that it's the inner unconscious dynamics, psychodynamic forces. Now, many psychological theories attribute anger to this inner conflict or this unconscious drive. This view is rooted in the psychodynamic field. Freud believed in repressed emotions, unresolved traumas that lead to outbursts of anger in our lives. The challenge with that, as a believer, is that the Bible suggests that anger is not often a response to something that is happening outside of us, but it is actually revealing something that is deeper within us. It's a belief, or beliefs or desires that are in conflict with God's will. It's challenged scripturally.
Speaker 1:The second way that culture tends to look at it is childhood traumas and chronic bad nurturing. It stems from our childhood experiences, such as trauma or poor parenting, and, according to this theory, anger is a learned behavior with a negative response. Now we have to be honest. The Bible does acknowledge that our past can shape us, but it doesn't give us license to live in anger and in fact, it gives us passages like 2 Corinthians 5, verse 17, which says therefore, if anyone is in Christ, they're a new creation. The old has passed away, the new has come. See, christ offers us healing and freedom from those past hurts.
Speaker 1:So a second reason that culture will say that you're angry is because of childhood traumas. Another answer that a culture may give us is that it may be present sufferings that you're going through. Many people believe that their current sufferings the financial stress, the relational conflicts, the health issues are the things that are responsible for the feelings that they're having and the anger that they're having right now. Now, once again, scripture reminds us that trials can be an opportunity for growth rather than a reason for anger. We've talked about this in our last meeting, where we talked about from James, chapter 1. It says count it all, joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. See, instead of fueling anger, suffering can lead us to a closer, more intimate and connected relationship with God.
Speaker 1:Another reason that culture will give us is unmet emotional needs, and some argue that anger arises from these unmet emotional needs, such as a lack of love or a lack of respect or a lack of validation. And when these needs go unfulfilled, people may lash out in frustration or anger. Now, while unmet needs may be frustrating, scripture reminds us in Philippians, chapter 4, verse 19, that my God shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory. True fulfillment is not found in the things of this world, and true fulfillment is not found in what's happening around us. True fulfillment is found in the person and work of Christ. It's not seeking validation from others, but recognizing our identity in Christ.
Speaker 1:The fifth reason some people believe that we struggle with anger a cultural theory is the idea of physiological factors. This theory suggests that anger is rooted in physical issues such as hormonal imbalances or chemical imbalances in the brain. While the Bible recognizes that we are physical beings with real health challenges, it encourages us to take responsibility for our responses In 1 Corinthians 9, verse 27,. It reminds us to discipline our bodies. Paul said this. He says but I discipline my body to keep it under control lest, after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified. See, we are called to exercise self-control, even when facing physical challenges in life.
Speaker 1:A last area that culture may say Christian culture, I would say would say this it's satanic attacks. Some attribute their anger to spiritual warfare and they believe that Satan is stirring up strife or resentment within them. Now, once again, this is true, that Satan seeks to destroy us and he wants to cause division. We see that in plenty of passages in the scripture, but in Ephesians, chapter four, verses 26 and 27, it says this be angry and do not sin. So it's saying that you are going to find yourself getting angry at times, but in your anger, do not sin, he says. Do not let the sun, go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil, for the enemy can use these things in your life. What he wants to do is he wants to use these things in your life to produce a foothold, as scripture would say, and that's where we need to resist him and control our anger and seek God's help rather than trying to give into these emotions. So I guess what I would say is this After thinking about all these cultural theories we need to figure out this.
Speaker 1:I want you to consider which of these tend to be you, which of these criteria that are here, these theories, which of these theories have you turned to in the past when dealing with your anger? And what I want to encourage you is this Now, while some of these cultural explanations may have some truth, scripture calls us to dig deeper into the condition of our heart and allow God to address the root causes of our anger. Well, let's keep moving. I want you to see what Scripture says as the real cause of our anger. This is so important to understand because if we are ever going to have victory over our anger, we need to be able to understand what's really at the heart of it. Now, if you were to turn to Mark, chapter 7, verses 20 through 23,. I encourage you, when you're on this lunch and learn, have a Bible in front of you, have your notebook in front of you. It's really important to be able to do that and share, to look to see if what we're saying is true in scripture.
Speaker 1:In Mark, chapter 7, verses 20 through 23, it says what comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of men, come evil thoughts sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness All of these things come from within, and they are what defiles a person. So now, what Jesus is doing here. If you look at that passage, jesus clearly teaches that sinful behavior, including anger, originates from the heart, and anger is not merely a response to an external circumstance, though that circumstance may influence us. Ultimately, it's what's happening within us. It's rooted in our inner desires, our thoughts and our motivations, and so what we want to try to do is to recognize that when we experience sinful anger, it's a reflection of something that's already happening in our hearts unchecked desires, pride, jealousy or selfishness. There's something that's happening within us that is producing the anger that is being expelled outwardly. Sinful anger is either not leaning on a standard God's word, is not doing it for God's glory, or not displaying it in a way that's going to reflect Christ. Now there are plenty of times that you may be angry over really evil things that are happening in this world, and if you have a standard and a motive and you were doing it according to God's display, then that's not sinful anger.
Speaker 1:Another passage is in Luke, chapter 6, verses 43 through 45. It says this For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor any does bad fruit bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its fruit, for figs are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor grapes from bramble bushes. The good person, out of the good treasure of their heart, produces good, and the evil person, out of the evil treasure of their heart, produces evil. For out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth speaks. So what Jesus is saying there is once again he's using this metaphor of a tree and its fruit, and what he's doing is he's illustrating that our actions, including our anger, are a natural overflow of what's inside.
Speaker 1:If the treasure of our heart is filled with selfishness or bitterness or pride, it is inevitably going to produce the fruit of sinful anger. So the words that we speak and the actions that we take, especially in the moments of anger, reveal the condition of our heart. So I want you to ask yourself what kind of fruit is your anger producing? Is it godly? Is your anger producing? Is it godly? Is it really revealing something about the brokenness of your heart? Is it producing things that are going to be reflective of God? Is it producing things that are going to showcase God in his glory, or is it producing things that are looking to hurt and harm the glory of God and the good of other people?
Speaker 1:The Bible consistently teaches us that the real cause of our anger is not external, but rather internal. That is why passages like Psalm chapter 139 says search me, o God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there's anything offensive in me and lead me in the way everlasting. What Scripture is doing is saying that, yes, there are things the pressures that you're going to have from the outside, but on the inside, the goal is to honor him and to reflect him in all that we do. Okay, so we've looked at the fact that culture has a tendency to believe that your anger is being drawn by things that are happening outside of you. And in Scripture we just looked at, jesus was saying that no anger, sinful anger, is being drawn by things that are happening outside of you. And in scripture we just looked at, jesus was saying that no anger, sinful anger is being produced by your heart.
Speaker 1:So now let's look at the next step along this process. I want you to consider this. I want you to consider what is the heart. You know, we could talk about the fact that your anger is coming from your heart, but we need to understand what is the heart. Talk about the fact that your anger is coming from your heart, but we need to understand what is the heart. Now, in Hebrews, chapter 4, it says this. In verse 12, it says for the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword piercing the division of soul and spirit, of joint and marrow, and it is discerning the thoughts and the intentions of the heart.
Speaker 1:And it is discerning the thoughts and the intentions, the heart. So in our culture today, when we think of the heart, we tend to think of emotions or feelings or maybe something else, and so you know, people will say you should be driven by your heart. You should follow your heart, and the Bible actually talks about that. Our hearts are something different than that actually talks about that. Our hearts are something different than that. So our heart, according to scripture, are the thoughts that we have, the will, the affections and the feelings. The heart is a biblical term of the inner self. It's everything about what's happening within you. So it's the thoughts that you have, what we believe to be true. It's your will, your choices, your decisions, it's your affection, what we desire and love, and it's also your emotions, how you feel.
Speaker 1:Now these elements are what shape our behavior, including our anger, and the point is that when our beliefs and our desires are out of line with God's truth, it often leads to sinful anger. Are out of line with God's truth, it often leads to sinful anger. For example, if we believe that we deserve respect and we don't get it, anger may arise because we look at that expectation that we think is unmet and unfulfilled and we find ourselves getting angry. So do me a favor when you experience anger, and once you think about what's happening in your heart, what may be happening internally, that is revealing what's happening externally. As you look at the external things, consider what may be going on in your heart is so huge.
Speaker 1:Why not consider memorizing that passage of scripture from Hebrews that talks about the word of God and talks about the division of soul and spirit and talks about discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart, that God gives us his word to teach us what's going on in our hearts so that we can make changes? When you start to address your anger by addressing your heart, you will start to find out that you can manage your anger in so much better ways, and it doesn't matter as much what's happening around you, because you have been being changed from the inside out. So many of us spend time focusing on the outside in rather than the inside out, and that's where we struggle. So this great passage from Proverbs, chapter 4, talks about the fact that our anger is driven by a heart and our heart is a wellspring. Now, when you think of a wellspring, proverbs talks about wisdom, and it's a book about wisdom. It's a book about guarding ourselves so that we reflect him. It says keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows a spring of life.
Speaker 1:Now, the heart in this verse refers to your inner self. It includes your thoughts and your desires and your motivations. The heart is described as a source of, or a wellspring. What that means is that what we do flows from our decisions, our reactions and our emotions, including our anger. The condition of our heart determines the quality of our life and our relationships. If our heart is filled with anger, or bitterness or selfishness, it inevitably affects our action and our words, and so it's important to guard our heart. It suggests that the heart is vulnerable to influences, and we must be actively protecting our heart Now. One way to guard our heart is by to influences, and we must be actively protecting our heart Now. One way to guard our heart is by aligning it with God's word, allowing his truth to shape our lives and our desires, rather than letting our circumstances or worldly influences affecting our emotions.
Speaker 1:What are you allowing into your heart that can be influencing your thoughts or your actions? What are the things that you're believing about yourself or about other people around you that may be challenging the things that you're going through? And as you do that, I want you to consider what it is that God may be doing. See, in order to change your heart, you must recognize that you must uproot the sinful beliefs and motives, replace them with godly ones, and then you move out and do the right thing. You must deal with your heart, so a lot of times, what we have a tendency to do is to try to change things from the outside in rather than from the inside out. The key to uprooting it is first you see it here you need to understand the underlying beliefs and desires that are fueling it. What is it underneath your heart that is fueling the desires you have? You need to replace them with godly things. The sinful beliefs and motives are identified, but now we need to replace them with godly things.
Speaker 1:The heart is a place of repentance. It means to turn away from one thing and turn to God in another way. Now, in Romans, chapter 12, the third passage of scripture that so many people are familiar with it says this. It says do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing, you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Now, this transformation includes renewing our mind and letting God's word change the way we think about our desires, our rights and our responses.
Speaker 1:When you're angry, do you stop and ask yourself if the reaction reflects godly desires or does it stem from selfish motives? So, once again, going back to last week, a lot of times we might find ourselves getting angry and we have a standard, but if we do not have a motive that is for the glory of God and good of others, we have now moved into sinful anger. So, as you reflect on this, are sinful motives at the heart of the struggle that you're having? And then you need to address your heart first, which is so important. Proverbs 4, 23 tells us to guard our heart, because our hearts direct our entire life. Guarding our hearts means reading out anything that does not align with God's word. So don't just focus on changing external behaviors. We have a tendency to do that. We try to fix ourselves from the outside in rather than from the inside out. You need to go deeper and ask God to transform your heart by uprooting any sinful beliefs.
Speaker 1:Now is this scriptural James. Yeah, clearly, in James, chapter 4, verses 1 through 3, it gives us four pictures that are packed into this that are the cause of anger. It says this in the passage. It says what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this? That your passions are at war within you. You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly to suspend it on your passions. Now, if you notice, the passage highlights a battle that's happening within you. The desires and the passions that we have have now led to external conflicts and anger.
Speaker 1:Now, what James is pointing out is that our anger often stems from wanting something that we don't have and we're coveting it. We want it from other people. They have it, we want it, and that's called covenanting. So if you see these steps here, these four pictures, number one he shows us that anger arises from entrenched desires or pleasures that are there, they are battling within us. So James's first image gives us the idea of a battle raging inside your heart, gives us the idea of a battle raging inside your heart. Our anger often comes from these competing desires that fight for control. Now, we may have a desire for control, we may have a desire for approval, we may have a desire for comfort, and when those desires are not met, what we tend to do is lash out. So I ask you just to pause and think what desires do you find yourself battling most often for? Is it a desire for control? Is it a desire for respect? What is the thing that you desperately think you need or want that is not being fulfilled? That is usually at the heart of your anger.
Speaker 1:Well, the second picture that he gives us is that unmet ruling wants or desires produce anger. So now James explains that we have desires or wants that go unmet. We become frustrated and we will become angry, and he calls these in essence, or we call these ruling desires. Now, when we talk about the word ruling desires, I probably should have put quotation marks around the word ruling. But these ruling wants or ruling desires may be for power or security or recognition, but when they are not satisfied, they become the source of our anger.
Speaker 1:So, once again, I want you to try to think through even more deeply. Is it a desire for control, respect or comfort? Or maybe there's some other unmet desire that's fueling your frustration as you think about your relationship and the person that you find yourself getting angry with? What is it that you think you need from them that you haven't been able to get Oftentimes? It is, well, the third picture he gives us here is that anger arises from coveting.
Speaker 1:It's grasping or greedy hearts that generate conflicts. So he uses this image of wanting something so badly that someone else has Now. That may be material possessions, it could be status, it could be even relationships, and when we allow this covetous heart to rule us, it can lead us to conflict or anger that can be uncontrolled at times. And so the jealousy, the conflict, the anger that comes out. So what is it that you find yourself coveting? Maybe there's something that someone else has. It's a neighbor or friend, maybe somebody at church, somebody in your neighborhood. You look at them. It's maybe their marriage, maybe their home, maybe their bodies, maybe, whatever it is. There's something that they have that you desperately want and you believe that you need it.
Speaker 1:And the sinful heart seeks to please itself rather than please God. See, our goal is to recognize that we are here to glorify God. The Catechism, westminster Catechism, says that the primary purpose of humanity is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever. But anger makes our pleasure more important than the pleasure of God. So what James is showing us is that selfish motives are often at the core of our anger. Anger often stems from desires to please others rather than to please god, and then anger takes over.
Speaker 1:So, as we look at each one of these pictures, what I want you to consider is this these four images from james, chapter 4, help us understand that anger is deeply tired, not tied to inner desires, things that are happening within us now, these selfish motives. So I want you to consider that the next time that you're to consider that, the next time that you're struggling with anger, the next time that you are struggling with desires that seem to be overwhelming you, can you do me a favor and do this? I know it's hard, but we have a tendency to look outward for the cause of our issue, rather than inward, and so I want you to think first okay, what are the desires that may be here, that are things that I think I desperately need, and what is it that I may be coveting? Maybe somebody else has some attainment that I think I desperately deserve.
Speaker 1:James also talks about the fact that part of the reason why we struggle with conflict is that we never go back to God in prayer. He either says we pray with the wrong motives or we don't pray at all, and so prayer is so important. And then recognizing those trials and those difficulties. Now, a lot of times when we go through this, we find ourselves feeling guilty. Well, we probably should, because if selfish desires and pride and jealousy are at the heart of this, that is sinful.
Speaker 1:But the beauty of the gospel is this that Jesus christ lived a perfect and righteous life for you. He died a substitutionary death for you. When he died, he said it is finished, it is amazing. And then he went into his body, went into the tomb and he rose again three days later, victorious. I often tell my clients this I want you to any situation that you go through in your life. I want you to any situation that you go through in your life. I want you to consider it through three key events in the past One, the cross. Two, the empty tomb. And three, his ascension into heaven.
Speaker 1:Jesus Christ, when he died on the cross, he promised to get you forgiveness for your sins, because he provided that to you through his blood and his sacrifice. Second, he wanted to free you from your sin. He doesn't just want to give you forgiveness, he wants to set you free. There is hope that you can be free from this sin. Third, he wants to give you a family, a family of God. You are a child of God. You are adopted into his family. You are an heir of God, a joint heir with Jesus Christ. He becomes your big brother and you have billions of people that trust Christ over the centuries and that are going to be part of your family. So you have forgiveness of sin, you have freedom from sin, you have family and you have a future.
Speaker 1:So when you think about that cross, I want you to think about those four things and then think about the empty tomb. The empty tomb says that when Jesus Christ rose from the dead, the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives in you if you're a believer, and so the struggles that you're having, where it feels like this weight of sin is so heavy, I want you to know that there is such great hope in that empty tomb. And then there's ascension into heaven. It means that he is the Lord of all. He will come back as our soon reigning king and every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. But also, I want you to think about this he is seated at his father's right hand right now and he is sending his Holy Spirit into your life to help you to find greater and greater freedom from that sin, which is so important.
Speaker 1:Okay, so now we've looked at the fact that anger oftentimes is not about the things that are happening around us. They may influence us, but it's happening. It's the things that are happening within us that are really the dramatic issue, and we need to look at our hearts and we need to self-confront. We need to self-examine as scripture tells us, and as we confront ourselves, we need to not get overwhelmed with the guilt and the condemnation. We need to take that guilt and condemnation and bring it to the cross, the empty tomb and the ascended Savior. Well, let's keep moving on. A couple more slides and then we're done.
Speaker 1:I want you to ask yourself are your desires, the ruling desires in your heart? Now? These ruling desires are either bringing you to the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ or they're bringing you to yourself. Good desires are good things, but there are times that good desires are inordinate desires. So now the question is are the desires that we're having ruling us?
Speaker 1:Now let's look first at a good desire. A good desire can become an inordinate desire, and what we mean by that is this the desire can become unhealthy, a ruling desire, when it starts to dominate our thoughts or our decisions. For example, let's think about success or recognition, even a relationship that we want. Some of those things can be good, but when we find ourselves constantly thinking about these things, but when we find ourselves constantly thinking about these things, it's at the expense of everything else, and everything else takes a back seat to this desire. That's a sign that we have a ruling desire. Maybe it's, as we talked about, respect, or maybe it's the love of somebody, maybe it's their attention. These are things that are not necessarily bad. But when this good desire becomes an inordinate desire, it becomes a consuming issue, and that is a major issue in our lives.
Speaker 1:Well, a second way is that a good desire can become an inordinate desire when we're willing to sin to get it. A key sign that a desire has become sinful is that when we're willing to compromise our values and disobey God to get it, this could be lying and manipulating, hurting others to achieve the goal of getting what we want. That is revealing that the desire we're having is unhealthy and it's sinful. If there's something that you desire, maybe somebody's approval, and you're willing to gossip and tear that person down in order to gain favor from other people. That desire has now become an inordinate desire. So I ask you, have you ever been willing to sin in order to get something that you wanted? And then, when you did get it, did you feel good? Probably not, ultimately. And so if that's true, that you were willing to sin to get something that you wanted, what does that reveal about your heart? What does that reveal about what's going on?
Speaker 1:A good desire can become inordinate when it consumes us. A good desire can become inordinate when we're willing to sin to get it. And a good desire can become inordinate when we sin if we don't get it. The second one is that we sin because we didn't get the desire, and so another clue is that the desire is a ruling desire. When we're not getting it, it leads us to sinful reactions, anger, bitterness, jealousy. And when a desire becomes an idol in our lives, not obtaining it can lead to sinful emotional outbursts or behavior. So if someone desires control or respect and doesn't get it, they may react with anger or frustration, and when they do that, it is a clear sign that the desire that they have for control and respect has become a ruling desire.
Speaker 1:You may want to say that at that moment in time. I believe that there's a healthy desire, but it has now become unhealthy. There is perhaps a good desire that has become sinful, that I need to change, and I need to confess that to God. Now, as you see these, what you want to do is to ask God to forgive you. We need to ask God to change you from the inside out, and he can and will be willing to do that.
Speaker 1:Now let's end with a couple of examples, and then we'll talk about what Christ did in his life. Now there's seven examples that I could give you many more. Just biblical snapshots of anger. We saw Esau. Esau was angry because his brother, jacob, stole a blessing from him and he had a desire for revenge that consumed him and he even vowed to kill Jacob. Have you ever felt like Esau may be angry because somebody got something that you thought you deserved? Maybe you did deserve it and they got it. The desire to kill somebody is a sinful desire.
Speaker 1:In Balaam in Numbers, we see that Balaam's anger flared against his donkey, if you remember the story. The donkey refused to move and Balaam couldn't see that there was an angel of the Lord blocking his path, and his desire for control led him to act irrationally and try to hit the donkey. And I wonder how many times small frustration can reveal deeper desires for control and power in our lives. In fact, the donkey was protecting Balaam, and he didn't even see it. We have Balak as well in Numbers, chapter 24. Balak's anger erupted when Balaam, and he didn't even see it. We have Balak as well in Numbers, chapter 24. Balak's anger erupted when Balaam blessed Israel instead of cursing them. Balak wanted him to curse the Israelites and lead to their downfall, but his desire for Israel's downfall led to his frustration.
Speaker 1:So when our desires are self-centered, we often react in anger when things don't go our way. We saw Saul in 1 Samuel 20 and in Numbers, chapter 20, verses 30 and 33 and 34, we see that Saul's anger was fueled by jealousy and insecurity over David's success. His desire for power led him to lash out at his own son, jonathan, for power led him to lash out at his own son, jonathan, and Saul's example showed us how unchecked anger rooted in jealousy can destroy our relationships. Well, this harried as well in Matthew, chapter 2. His anger for control led him to massacre innocent children when he felt threatened at the birth of Jesus, his desire for power and control led him to destructive behaviors. Felt threatened at the birth of Jesus, his desire for power and control led him to destructive behaviors.
Speaker 1:Have you ever been consumed with such fear of losing control that you acted out in anger? The silversmiths in Ephesus in Acts, chapter 19,. The silversmiths' anger arose from fear of losing their livelihoods. Paul was preaching. It threatened their worship of idols, and they were profiting from that, and their, their worship of idols, and they were profiting from that. And their financial interests, their material possessions, were being threatened. And that is why they react in anger.
Speaker 1:See, often anger arises because we don't get what we want, and this thing that we desperately want is fueling the anger that we have. So I want you to ask yourself what desires do you have in your life, whether it's for control or approval, or material things. What are the things that are fueling you and how can you submit those desires to God? Now, when we think about Jesus, how did Jesus respond to personal offenses? Now, jesus, in 1 Peter 2, verses 21-23, responded radically different than the way you and I tend to respond. It says this in 1 Peter 2, verses 21-23. It says For to this you have been called because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example so that you may follow in his steps. Now Jesus responded to personal offenses in such a way that I think we can learn from it, because I really do think that if you and I can understand what Jesus did and how he responded to these struggles, it will help us immensely in learning how we can respond as well. So let's think about some of the ways that he responded.
Speaker 1:The passage says that Jesus did not revile in return. When he was insulted and mocked, jesus did not respond in kind. Instead of fighting back, he remained silent. He didn't try to defend himself. What Jesus shows us is a better way to remain humble and to trust in God's justice.
Speaker 1:The second thing that we learned from Jesus is that he did not threaten. Even when he was suffering physical pain or humiliation, jesus did not threaten his oppressors. He didn't promise to retaliate or punishment for them. So I wonder how often is it? Very honestly, I got one finger out, three fingers point back. How often do we make threats, either verbally or in our hearts, when someone wrongs us? Jesus refrained from these threats, even when he had every reason to do so, and he had the power to offer justice to them and he didn't.
Speaker 1:The third thing we learn from Jesus is that Jesus entrusted himself to God. The most powerful response is that he made his decision to entrust himself to his father. And if you see the passage, who judges justly? I really so appreciate that word. He judges justly, and so I want you to think about this.
Speaker 1:Oftentimes, when we're struggling with anger, when we're struggling with frustration, we believe that we are judging them and that we are in control. We need to recognize that Jesus Christ is the one that is providing for us the opportunity and that Jesus Christ is the ultimate judge, and when he was here on earth, he trusted his father's judgment. We should be trusting God, the Father, god the Son and God, the Holy Spirit's judgment for this offense. What do we learn from Jesus? Jesus left us an example to follow. He showed us that we can respond to personal offenses with grace and with humility, with trust in God's justice, rather than seeking revenge or retaliation. So how can you and I follow Jesus as an example? The next time that we're wronged or insulted, what steps can we take to seek God's justice and to trust in God's justice rather than seeking our own.
Speaker 1:I would encourage you to pick up the book Uprooting Anger. I think it's a really great book and you'll have that opportunity to be able to look at blogs, podcasts and a ton of articles that are there. I also have courses and coaching opportunities as well. Our Lessons for Life program is a monthly membership or coaching program. We have three different levels of the monthly membership. What it does is an exclusive online membership and what it does is provide you powerful coaching videos, helpful resources, a community of believers that come together. There are a library of resources.
Speaker 1:We're constantly adding to it. You can go on to that site 24 hours a day, seven days a week and, if you're part of that monthly membership, also our weekly lunch and learns and we have a monthly Q and a and you'll see the price for that on a monthly basis. You can start and end at any time that you would like. If you want to go a little bit further, you can get everything that's in the membership category and you can get also coaching, which will include bi-weekly coaching sessions where I jump online for 60 to 90 minutes and I either do a training or I open it up for Q&A times. We'll often also bring in interviewees to do interviews with them, and so those coaching calls are really important. So if you want to go from just the content and community but you want to add coaching, that is another option. That's the most popular one.
Speaker 1:The highest level is our flagship course. The highest level is our flagship course, our Time for Change course and coaching. This is a five module, 28 lesson, 11 hours of course, and what we do is we not only give you all of what's happening in the membership, all of the group coaching program, but you also get the flagship course plus you get additional coaching. And then what I do is I commit to you for one year to be with you to personalize your work and so that we want to try to help you and coach you in a personal way. And so those are the three models that we have our membership, our coaching, our flagship program. I would encourage you to jump in to one of those sometime down the road.
Speaker 1:Okay, so once again, we do our Lunch and Learns on Wednesdays at 12 pm. Next week, lord willing, we will be picking up with lesson number four, chapter number four in the Uprooting Anger series. I look forward to meeting all of you, then If you know some people that would be interested, have them jump on in and let me pray for us as we leave here today. So, father, we thank you for this time that we've gotten to be together. We thank you for your kind grace and your mercy.
Speaker 1:But, father, as we look at this list very honestly, so many of us really struggle with sinful anger. As we look the motives that are there, it's coming from within, the selfish motives. We either don't have your standard or our motives are wrong, or maybe we're displaying it in ungodly ways and our flesh wants to tell us that there's no hope, and Satan even wants to tempt us to believe that there is no hope or hope for that. Well, I thank you for the fact that in Christ, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. I thank you for your Holy Spirit, who is there to not only connect us with Christ, but to change us step by step, day by day, into the image of Christ. I thank you for your perfect love that never changes.
Speaker 1:I thank you for your ultimate sovereignty. I thank you for your infinite wisdom. I thank you for your perpetual presence. I thank you for the cross that tells us that we are forgiven and we're free, and we have a family and we have a future. I thank you for the fact that Jesus' empty tomb tells us that we are forgiven and we're free, and we have a family and we have a future. I thank you for the fact that Jesus' empty tomb tells us that you accepted his payment, and I thank you for the fact that Jesus Christ ascended and he's on high with you right now. He's going to come back as our soon reigning king, but until then, I thank you that he's interceding for us. Thank you for the good news that you've given us For all the brokenness that is here in our lives. Help us to know that there's hope, and we praise you and thank you for all that you do. In Jesus' name, we pray, amen. Take care.
